Senior News Line: Why do we turn down help?

All too frequently we seniors don’t ask for help when we need it, using as an excuse that others need it more. Sound familiar?

Our local senior center decided to host a free holiday dinner a few weeks before Christmas this year. It was to be a full turkey dinner, with several courses, a sit-down affair with table service from the Community Club at the high school.

They needed to limit it to 100 people, and advance signup was required. Color them amazed when a full week after the announcement, there were still well over 50 dinner slots available.

Staff started manning the phones, calling senior center members to ask if they’d heard about the dinner. Yes, people had heard. Yes, it sounded lovely.

But, no, they wouldn’t be signing up for it. Other people, many stated, needed the free dinner more.

This did not surprise me. After all the times I’ve talked to seniors around me about how it was OK for them to go to the food bank, that it was OK to ask for help — no, I wasn’t shocked that many were turning down a free holiday dinner at the senior center.

Does this describe you? Someone who would turn down free things, saying that others might need it more?

There’s more to it when we decline help, other reasons, if we’re going to be honest with ourselves. Mostly we fear loss of independence.

Somehow we equate getting help at the food bank — or a free turkey dinner — with not being able to take care of ourselves, thus possibly inviting scrutiny from others who might start questioning our ability to manage our lives.

I was not surprised when the senior center changed their promotion for the free dinner to say they would welcome donations, and the rest of the slots filled up.