Commodity Insight: A ‘shucking’ confession on wedding anniversary

This tale is a chapter from “Back to the Futures,” a not-so-serious look at the futures markets in the 1980s, written by yours truly.

And not to be mistaken with the movie, “Back to the Future” — my book came out before the movie!

This week, I am not going to dissect the futures markets and pass judgment upon the greed and fear that dictates prices.

Instead, I am going to pass on a couple of stories that I found amusing. I hope you enjoy them.

The first story is told by Richard Cohen, a Washington reporter for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. Cohen tells the story as a means of comparing French and American values when a public official or personality is caught in a dalliance.

It’s a story told on the diplomatic circuit involving a married French diplomat who has an affair in Moscow with a female KGB agent.

One day, her boss appeared at the Frenchman’s doorstep, knocked on the door and presented the diplomat with some very scandalous pictures. It was the usual prelude to a blackmail demand.

The French diplomat took a long and careful look at the photos and said, “I will take two of zees and one of zees.” And with a nonchalant shrug, he closed the door.

Another story that I find amusing has been around a long time. I was reminded of it most recently in a column by Abigail Van Buren.

There are several variations, but this is the one I like best. The story involves a farmer and his wife on their 40th wedding anniversary.

Forty years earlier, the young farmer had only one request for his new bride: “Never look in the trunk of my car,” he said.

His lovestruck bride thought it was an unusual request, but she agreed. She promised that she would never ever peek in that trunk.

On their 40th wedding anniversary, the wife’s curiosity got the better of her. She just couldn’t stand it any longer. She had to know what was in that trunk.

When her husband wasn’t watching, she rushed into the garage and opened the trunk of his car. Inside were three ears of corn and $10,000 in cash. She was flabbergasted.

Quickly she shut the trunk of the car and went back into the house. She couldn’t decide whether or not to confront her husband. But her mind raced with unanswered questions.

After much soul searching, she approached her husband and demanded to know what three ears of corn and $10,000 in cash was in the trunk of his car.

The husband was immediately repentant. He confessed that every time he was unfaithful, he would put an ear of corn in the trunk of his car.

The wife couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She exploded with anger, but calmed down realizing that her husband, in 40 years, only placed three ears of corn in the trunk.

With a sigh of relief she said, “I’m not happy you deceived me all these years, but I am happy you only put three ears of corn in the trunk after 40 years of marriage. But, tell me, what on earth is the $10,000 for?”

Her husband paused and sheepishly replied, “Every time I got a bushel of corn, I sold it.”

In the 1980s, corn traded as low as $1.59 to a high of about $3.80 a bushel. From 2009 into this year corn prices never traded under $3 a bushel, but hit a historic high of about $8.44 in August 2012.

Imagine the amount of cash that wayward husband in the tale above would have in the trunk of his car had he been dallying around in recent years?

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